


Looking out a lonely window, Everybody's down below

by little_sleeping_dragon



Category: Critical Role (Web Series)
Genre: Aromantic, Aromantic Caduceus Clay, Asexual Caduceus Clay, Emotional Hurt/Comfort, Gen, Hurt/Comfort
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-12-22
Updated: 2020-12-22
Packaged: 2021-03-11 05:20:31
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,540
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/28229778
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/little_sleeping_dragon/pseuds/little_sleeping_dragon
Summary: Caduceus should have known that whatever they had wouldn’t last, that romance would eventually split them apart and would override whatever connection the Mighty Nein had developed. When the group has fought their last battle, he waits for the inevitable splintering of the group. Beau takes issue with this.Alternatively titled “indulgent happy aro fluff”
Relationships: Caduceus Clay & Beauregard Lionett, Caduceus Clay & The Mighty Nein
Comments: 12
Kudos: 74





	Looking out a lonely window, Everybody's down below

Caduceus sits at the table in the tavern the Nein had claimed, watching everyone lean against each other casually, sharing space the way that only a group of people who had spent the last several years living and fighting together could. Beau's arm slung over Caleb’s shoulder as she laughs at a story he’s telling, some tale of mischief they had gotten up to in the past, a story that most of the group had been present to see happen live, yet that only seemed to make the telling more humorous. He watched as Beau looked across the table at Yasha, her smile softening as they looked at each other as if confirming that the other was still there. Jester and Fjord were more obvious in their cuddling, arms wrapped around each other. It was only logical, considering how close Fjord had come to death earlier in the fight. Veth was nowhere to be seen, off with Yeza and Luc. 

They had all decided that this would be their last quest, last fight, and Caduceus knew it was a good idea. He knew that Beau was starting to wake up with aching hands and knees, even if she tried her best to hide it from the group. He knew that Veth wanted to be with her family, having finally decided she was worthy of their love. And he knew that everyone had somewhere to go, someone who loved them more than they loved the group as a whole. Everyone except him. 

“Hey dude, what’s on your mind?” He startles as Beaurugard lightly taps his forehead, leaning across Caleb to look at him. He pauses, trying to think of some way to phrase everything that wouldn’t just sound pathetic. Apparently he pauses too long, as the conversation at the table quiets and he looks up to see everyone staring at him. 

“I was just considering where we all came from, and where we’re going from here,” he says finally, hoping it’s enough to answer the question he can see on their faces. And it seems that it is, as the conversation picks up again, turning to the question of where Jester and Fjord are planning on staying, if they’re planning on getting married. 

He works to keep the stricken look off of his face, he knew that this was the plan, but hearing them talk about it was harder than he had expected. Before the last few days, he hadn’t minded not wanting a relationship- it had simply never appealed to him, and he knew that he had more time to do other things, things more exciting than trying to woo someone. But now, now that he had experienced a taste of a family, a group of people who seemed to put each other over all other concerns, he didn’t want it to end. 

A hand on his back once again startled him out of his thoughts. Caleb was looking at him, a strangely gentle expression on his face. “I was thinking of heading up to bed, resting up before we get back on the road,” Calab says to him. Caduceus looks around the table, realizing that most of the group had already left, and the other patrons had cleared out as well, leaving the two of them and Beauregard sitting alone. From the look on Beau’s face, he can guess she’s noticed how he’s been acting, and has questions. 

“I think I’m going to spend a while longer down here,” Caduceus replies and Caleb nods, turning to head up the steps to the rooms the group had for the night. As soon as he’s out of earshot, Beau turns to him, already opening her mouth to question him. 

“I know what you said earlier can’t be everything that’s on your mind, not with the look that’s on your face right now, so spill,” she says before he can give any start at an excuse. Caught off guard even as he’s been expecting that question, he just stares at her for a few moments, blinking slowly as he tries to gather his thoughts. 

“I was thinking about where we’re all going, how we’re all splitting up from here, how I don’t think we’ll ever be together again,” he finally says, his words a stream of emotions, disjointed and somehow the truth but not even close to what he wanted to tell anyone. “How in a few years our friendship will fade to nothing more than a story that you tell to your family, how everything we did and all of the people that we helped will be nothing more than a memory.” He chokes back tears, his voice cracking as he stares at the ceiling, willing himself to calm down so they can finish this conversation and he can go find somewhere to deal with his sadness alone. 

Beau at least seems to get it now, her face shifting into a look of concern? Of care? Of worry? He’s not sure which it is, and waits for her to reply to him, her response uncharacteristically thought out. “Is that what you think is going to happen?” Beau asks, her voice so very gentle, almost as if he’s going to break is she saying the wrong thing. He nods, wondering why she thinks anything else will happen. 

“Of course,” he replies, “you and Yasha, Jester and Fjord, Veth and Yeza, you’re all so happy together, you have each other, why would you want to stay as a group? You all have plans for your separate lives, with everything that makes you happy.” He looks right at her as he says this, resigned to the fact that their paths are diverging, trying to remind himself that he had lived on his own for years before meeting this group, that he can go back to it, that he’ll survive and maybe the loneliness will be better, having the memories of the group to be hold on to. Beau doesn’t respond to him, just stares. Eventually she speaks again. 

“I can’t believe you thought that. That we would all just leave each other, leave you. That’s what you thought, right? That everyone cared about someone else more than any of us cared about you?” And the tears that he had fought off earlier were coming back, smarting at his eyes, feeling the lump in his throat rise again. He nods, not trusting his voice not to break. It surprises him sometimes, how perceptive Beau is, how she seems to guess what people are thinking without them actually saying anything. Beau looks like she wants to grab him by the shoulders and shake him until he understands her point, but instead reaches over to rub his shoulder as he tries to gather himself. When she speaks again, it’s calmer, softer, but just as insistent, “We aren’t going anywhere without you. We don’t leave people behind, and we aren’t going to start now. Sure, things are gonna change, but there’s always going to be a place for you, got it?” 

He nods again, feeling like he should probably say something before Beau starts to think he’s forgotten how to speak. “Understood,” he mumbles, unable to find any better words, leaning into the hand that is still resting on his shoulder. Beau shifts to wrap her arms around him in an awkward hug. They sit there for several minutes, Caduceus soaking in the warmth of having a friend nearby, savoring the knowledge that this wasn’t going to the last time he was with the people he had grown to care about. Beau eventually straightened up, trying to hide the look of pain on her face as she stretched out her back.

“There is a reason we’re getting out of this business,” Caduceus says softly, standing and offering Beau a hand out of her chair. He adds, “I have some tea that may help the pain, would you like it?” 

“I think I just need to sleep,” Beau says as they walk towards the stairs, “it’s nothing that I haven’t dealt with already. Thank you for the offer though.” 

“Fair enough,” Caduceus replies, pausing a moment before adding, “thank you for pulling me out of my own head. I don’t know what I’d do without you, without any of you.” 

Beau smirks a little at that, turning around right before opening the door to the room she and Yasha shared. “Anytime, we wouldn’t know what to do without you either.” 

Caduceus opens the door to the room that he and Caleb had been sharing as quietly as he can, hoping not to wake Caleb up. As he enters the room, he sees Caleb look at him sleepily, then gestures towards the table near the door, where Caduceus notices a kettle sitting, still steaming. 

“From the look on your face when I left, it seemed you could use something. I hope Beauregard wasn’t too harsh when she set you straight about whatever was going through your head?” 

“Not at all,” Caduceus replies, smiling to himself as he pours a mug of tea and starts pulling off the pieces of his armor, stacking them gently on the chair beside his bed. “She just had to remind me of a few things.”

**Author's Note:**

> Am I projecting my worries about people always prioritizing romantic relationships onto a fictional character? Yes. Was this saved in my documents as "self indulgent aro fluff"? Yes. Is this the first fic I've written since middle school? Most certainly. Please be kind, and thank you if you've read this far. I adore any and all comments if you are so inclined to leave them. 
> 
> Title from the song Biting on a Rose by Mother Mother


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